Swagger Wagon

The story that I am about to tell might surprise you. To be totally honest it still surprises me, but thankfully the phase has passed. Or at least I hope it has. I have made mention that Adam drove a truck, a nice truck, when we were dating and when we got married. But if you know hubby and/or his family then you know that they will sell a vehicle in a "hot minute."

Vocabulary lesson from C'burg: A "minute" means quiet a while. Example:"Girl, I haven't seen you in a minute." A "hot minute" means, well I am not sure what it means, but it is street talk for seeing someone sooner that a "minute." I feel quiet sure that it means something that happens really quickly, but what do I know? I am only a teacher and they try to keep the real meaning of their language from us.

So anyway, what I am trying to say is that vehicles don't stay around very long. I also feel that I should inform you that hubby and his people are totally and completely against buying a brand new vehicle when they can get one a year old for half the money. Which makes sense and I am not judging them for this, but a few years ago Adam hit an all time low in the used car industry. He took the family name to places that, quiet frankly, should embarrass him, but the joke must be on me seeing as I was the only one embarrassed.

And let me go ahead and say that I am not trying to offend anyone. What you drive is none of my business. However, what my husband drives is a completely different story.

I can't even recall how it all happened. Maybe it was so painful that my memory has blocked it out. Either way hubby came home one day driving a MINI VAN.

In case you weren't paying attention when you read the above statement: MY HUSBAND DRIVING A MINI VAN.

It looked just like this...except it was not red. It was silver. Because a man driving a red mini van would make people talk. Silver is a much more acceptable and manly color.

I wish I was, but I am not exaggerating when I tell you that he LOVED this van- "But LeeLee it is the Warner Brother edition. It has a DVD player. Don't you like it?"

It was one of those marital moments that I wanted to look at him and say, "Hello my name is Elena. I don't believe we have ever met before."

Let me clarify why a mini van was even an option- 1. his mind was clearly not working 2. he needed something big enough to transport cabinets 3. he needed something decent on gas since he drives to far away places on a weekly basis 4. his mind was clearly not working.

Did I mention that his mind had taken a vacation? Because that is the only excuse for such a lapse in judgement coming from a man in his 20's with NO children.

I realized the problem was deeper than I had originally suspected when he got up one morning, forwent driving his truck, and loaded his fishing tackle in the cool and sophisticated mini van and took off for a day of fishing fun. You might disagree with me on this one, but I think there is something unAmerican about a man leaving behind his truck and going fishing in his MINI VAN.

Would you believe that when he drove it he didn't even try to conceal his identity? On the other hand when I rode in it I slid the seat as far back as it would go and tilted it backwards so that people could not see my face. Because, correct me if I am wrong, it is not cool to be a newly married couple with no children sporting a mini van. Not cool.

He wanted to get one of those magnetic footballs to stick on the back with a kids name on it so that people would think he was transporting small children to a highly important ball game and get out of his way. And that was when I openly wept wondering what had happened to the man I married.

This had to be the "worse" that was spoken of during the whole "for better for worse" part of our vows. Because I can tell you one thing with all certainty- this was not the "better." And I stuck with him and that mini van, but only because I had made a promise before God, family and friends that I would.

The lowest of all moments came when I was in town one day and someone I knew fairly well came up to me and asked, "Do ya'll have renters living in your basement?" No. No renters. Why? "I have been seeing a mini van in your driveway and I knew it couldn't be yours." And as I heard myself say these words so fast my head started to spin I silently prayed that God would forgive me for telling a straight out lie, "Oh goodness no! It doesn't belong to us!"

The only regret that he seems to have about the whole mini van thing is that he didn't get a Toyota Sienna and get to star in this video.

I only bring this up now because he sold his truck last week and we are now on the hunt for him another vehicle. Out of love and respect for his daughter I have begged him not to get another one. No little girl needs to grow up with her daddy taxiing her around in a mini van. I'll keep ya'll posted as to what he gets. I know ya'll will be on the edge of your seat waiting to hear.

I feel like this is the best time to tell ya'll that hubby has made a blogging request. After I told him that people with blogs who actually have more than 10 readers sometimes refer to their family by code names like Marlboro Man, for example. Adam requested that for security reasons I start referring to him as A-Master.

Bless his heart.